3 and a half limbs?

I got home from work some weeks ago to hear my 4 month old puppy, candy (thats her name) whimpering. She was in serious pain.

Approaching her I found that her left limb was very swollen.

I could not imagine what could have happened so i summoned the two domestic staff,the gateman and the house keeper.

The gateman said the house keeper told him my two dogs (lilly and candy,who by the way are mother and daughter) had been fighting each other and lilly bit candys leg,however,he the gateman had heard nothing!

I was livid with rage cos the story sounded so very silly,i mean i was supposed to believe this sorry excuse for a lie?

I took a walk to my bedroom, attempted counting down from ten. it didnt work, so i summoned the help again and our conversation was something like this:

Me- now listen to me,you better tell me what actually happened to candy or you wont believe how far i'm willing to go on this matter

GM -Aunty, thats what she told me ,she said that the dogs were fighting and that lilly bit candy's leg
HK- Yes thats what happened

I was getting angrier by the minute my voice got louder

Me- You better start telling me some truth here, what kind of fight and then bite? You know these dogs,you know they only play,do you people think im stupid?

Then i said to the house keeper again,"tell me what happened,you hit that dog with a stick right?"

HK yes

Me- why? did it try to bite you?

HK -no

Me- did it eat or destroy anything that belongs to you?

HK-No

(By the way none of the above is possible as my dogs are not allowed to roam in the day time especially when im not at home)?

Me-Then why,why did you do that to the poor dog.(By this time i was crying.)

HK ??????@*& mumble jumble

Me- where did you get the stick

HK -outside the compound

Me-can i see it?

HK i threw it very far away

Me-Please tell me what really happened

HK more of nothing.

I drove candy to the vet, she had to wear a cast.she will have to for 6 weeks.it wasnt a minor dislocation.she might never walk well again.

eard no

awoof dey run bele

I remembered an incident of a few years ago and right now,i feel really silly.
My uncle a politician had promised me a car as a call to bar present,so i gave no breathing space once i put on that wig and gown.
uncle,my car,uncle when am i getting my car?
Well he did not deny the promise but he wasnt forth coming either.

I left Abuja for Lagos but returned when I got a new job in Abuja.I now had a car but who's telling?i still wanted my gift.
I set out to visit my uncle one day after work,i drove to his side of town (i used to live here so im familiar with the streets)and parked 2 streets away from my uncles house.i found the whole thing kinda funny,so funny that i was smiling to myself on the 2 minute walk to his house.

i was crossing the street when it happened.....screech!!!

a hilux truck was just a mili second away from hitting me.i think i must have been in shock all of 30 seconds.but i recovered quickly cos it was near uncles house and a small crowd had begun gathering.Little did i know this was just the beginning of my wahalas that evening.

like clock work i accepted the drivers apologies,braced myself and kept walking.
i arrived my uncles and of course i did not let him in on what just happened.

You see,my uncle is always excited and happy when he sees me , and this night was not different.
We talked politics,business,more politics,family even football. Before i knew it, it was around 9.30 pm so I informed him I had to leave.

de'- ah uncle look at the time,i should leave now

uncle- dont be silly de' ill drop you off

de'- uncle dont worry,ill take a cab,the road to my house is really bad,blah,blah,blah

uncle-i will drop you

that was how i entered the moto o with my uncle and mopol and we started going.

on the way i kept trying

de'- uncle do you know that robbers have been coming to our estate

uncle- armed robbers ke?

de-yes, they even came to my neighbours last week,come and hear gun shots

uncle- really?

de'- yes o.and they made away with many things,they even wounded one guy

uncle- ha

de- people say they are even stationed around that bad road to my house,thats why i think i should take a taxi

uncle- eeem ok

so they dropped me and waited for me to get a cab,my uncle paid and told me he was off to see a friend.

i got into the cab and told the cabbie to take me back to uncles hood. He happily dropped me by my car.
i had to crouch a bit for fear of my uncle seeing me and i assure you i wasnt smiling.

na wa

try this

I don't have any new year resolutions but ill certainly try to do the following this year.

1. I will eat healthier i do eat healthy but it gets crazy sometimes and i go all out for fast food.not cool!


2. I will not answer my phone whilst driving this is one bad habit i need to stop.i really should use the earphone thingy,i don't wanna die!

3. I will go for those aerobics classes I paid for i really should defeat sleep and be on time for those classes.

4. I will spend less on call credit this gets so crazy sometimes i feel I'm just throwing away money that could be put to better use.There must be a way to curb this.maybe limit myself to a certain number of cards for a certain period

5. I will be more spiritual sometimes i feel God is disappointed in me.I certainly do not worship him enough.I'm determined to change that

6. I will take up a sport i cant swim.but i can always learn.i will sign up for classes

7. I will read more novels by Nigerian Authors just read arrow of God,I'm on Things fall Apart,both by Chinua Achebe.read them when i was younger,but they make even more sense now.arrow of God is so funny.i suggest you get these two books fast!

8. I will visit Ghana nothing wrong in knowing my neighbours

9. I will identify a project and work towards achieving it I'm on it

10.I will love myself and others more there's one life to live and so little time.I must show more love to me and others

Can you think of other things we could do to make us better people?

igbo girl in calabar!

hi people,

Compliments of this beautiful season. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves thoroughly. I know i did.

I had it all mapped out since October.I was gonna spend christmas in Calabar my University town. So on friday the 21st of December at the close of work,i packed my bags and gravitated towards the airport.

Let me use this opportunity to say that i bargained for a 5.25pm arik airline flight but ended up leaving Abuja around to 10pm.They apologised though.

Metroplolitan hotel was ok.I was impressed by the improvement on the place. I remember that we used to go there for cokes and meat pies. Gist is, some firm bought into the place and the rest is history.
Im still trying to figure out why they used nylon to cover one section of their glass door at the lobby instead of replacing it.

The next night was the miss carnival queen show. Unfortunately I could not attend and that’s how my vip tickets were wasted. sob, sob.

The next day I visited the mariners resort and the museum and at night I attended the Awilo show. Olu maintain also performed. Fantastic!

I had a nice day the next day visiting old friends and generally going round Calabar.

On the 27^th the carnival took place. It could be likened to the west Indies carnivals that took place in lagos those days I was in secondary school, only bigger and better!

29^th saw me going to Tinapa. Boy was I impressed! I dare say the place is world class. Was it the studios, the shops, the hotels or the grounds? I'll leave you with pictures cos my description may not do the place justice.

I was to leave on the 30^th by 3.50pm but trust Virgin Nigeria to disappoint. I got a text message saying the flight had been delayed till 18.50 lt. That’s 10 minutes to 7pm!

However, this one disappointment turned out to be a blessing as I was able to watch the annual ekpe masquerade show.

I finally arrived lagos at to 8 in the evening.

Calabar is definitely the utmost tourist destination in Nigeria, at least for now. I highly recommend a visit to the place.

I enjoyed myself. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

awilo & his dancers.one of them is nigerian.nice

trust me ,this place looks really nice now

i think she must be a fairy!

efik regalia


edo


one of the carnival queens


tinapa


tinapa


ekpe!

Making a baby

This is funny & CLEAN.There is not one dirty word in it, but it should make you smile!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children anddecided to use a surrogate father to start theirfamily.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, Im off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...""Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." Bath tub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.""Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted !

lily

hear ye! hear ye!

lily my dog had 7 lovely puppies last week.

Virgin Nigeria and A Choir

Hey!
Im back. So sorry I could not keep my promise of a diary. It was tight considering I spent only 6 days.

I had fun though. Visited the apartheid museum, gold reef theme park, the art market in Sandton.Mandela square and oh.....those malls. I literarily did not have enough time to finish my shopping!!!!But I guess there'll always be another time.

I left South Africa on the morning of 13th of November (Tuesday) aboard a virgin Nigeria flight headed for Lagos.
Which brings me to the title of this post? Be warned that the following story is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

As I arrived R.O Thambo airport, I noticed a group of people. I recognized their language as efik, and their dressing (white garment) as that of a popular sect in Calabar. If you dont know this sect already you better ask somebody!

Like I said I only noticed them but thought no further of them as I was looking to go process my tax refund.

Now if you read my last post, you will remember I did mention it was not exactly fantastic service we got aboard virgin Nigeria, but nothing prepared me for what was to come.

About 45 minutes to landing the Oyibo purser announced that we were about to be entertained by the sensational choir of the (something of the something and something) choir. (that’s how the name goes. ask anybody in Calabar)

To my shock and dismay, they started singing "arise and shine for ................ (Their master) is here!!

Say what? I could not believe my ears. If I wanted to listen to a live choir I know where to go plus the fact that I found their wordings quite offensive.
Passengers started murmuring, and then it got louder and louder and louder still. But the choir only increased the tempo!!

After what must have been 5 minutes but seemed much more, I think the crew got the gist and made another announcement "we have now commenced our descent into Muritala Mohamed Lagos. Thank you to the sonorous voices of "you know who choir".

It was only this announcement that saved us passengers from live music we did not ask for.
I believe the action of the airline was most unethical and from the faces and comments passed by passengers and Nigerians and non Nigerians alike, most unacceptable and very unbecoming of a national carrier.

It goes without saying of course that ill be joining another airline on my next trip.