3 and a half limbs?

I got home from work some weeks ago to hear my 4 month old puppy, candy (thats her name) whimpering. She was in serious pain.

Approaching her I found that her left limb was very swollen.

I could not imagine what could have happened so i summoned the two domestic staff,the gateman and the house keeper.

The gateman said the house keeper told him my two dogs (lilly and candy,who by the way are mother and daughter) had been fighting each other and lilly bit candys leg,however,he the gateman had heard nothing!

I was livid with rage cos the story sounded so very silly,i mean i was supposed to believe this sorry excuse for a lie?

I took a walk to my bedroom, attempted counting down from ten. it didnt work, so i summoned the help again and our conversation was something like this:

Me- now listen to me,you better tell me what actually happened to candy or you wont believe how far i'm willing to go on this matter

GM -Aunty, thats what she told me ,she said that the dogs were fighting and that lilly bit candy's leg
HK- Yes thats what happened

I was getting angrier by the minute my voice got louder

Me- You better start telling me some truth here, what kind of fight and then bite? You know these dogs,you know they only play,do you people think im stupid?

Then i said to the house keeper again,"tell me what happened,you hit that dog with a stick right?"

HK yes

Me- why? did it try to bite you?

HK -no

Me- did it eat or destroy anything that belongs to you?

HK-No

(By the way none of the above is possible as my dogs are not allowed to roam in the day time especially when im not at home)?

Me-Then why,why did you do that to the poor dog.(By this time i was crying.)

HK ??????@*& mumble jumble

Me- where did you get the stick

HK -outside the compound

Me-can i see it?

HK i threw it very far away

Me-Please tell me what really happened

HK more of nothing.

I drove candy to the vet, she had to wear a cast.she will have to for 6 weeks.it wasnt a minor dislocation.she might never walk well again.

eard no

awoof dey run bele

I remembered an incident of a few years ago and right now,i feel really silly.
My uncle a politician had promised me a car as a call to bar present,so i gave no breathing space once i put on that wig and gown.
uncle,my car,uncle when am i getting my car?
Well he did not deny the promise but he wasnt forth coming either.

I left Abuja for Lagos but returned when I got a new job in Abuja.I now had a car but who's telling?i still wanted my gift.
I set out to visit my uncle one day after work,i drove to his side of town (i used to live here so im familiar with the streets)and parked 2 streets away from my uncles house.i found the whole thing kinda funny,so funny that i was smiling to myself on the 2 minute walk to his house.

i was crossing the street when it happened.....screech!!!

a hilux truck was just a mili second away from hitting me.i think i must have been in shock all of 30 seconds.but i recovered quickly cos it was near uncles house and a small crowd had begun gathering.Little did i know this was just the beginning of my wahalas that evening.

like clock work i accepted the drivers apologies,braced myself and kept walking.
i arrived my uncles and of course i did not let him in on what just happened.

You see,my uncle is always excited and happy when he sees me , and this night was not different.
We talked politics,business,more politics,family even football. Before i knew it, it was around 9.30 pm so I informed him I had to leave.

de'- ah uncle look at the time,i should leave now

uncle- dont be silly de' ill drop you off

de'- uncle dont worry,ill take a cab,the road to my house is really bad,blah,blah,blah

uncle-i will drop you

that was how i entered the moto o with my uncle and mopol and we started going.

on the way i kept trying

de'- uncle do you know that robbers have been coming to our estate

uncle- armed robbers ke?

de-yes, they even came to my neighbours last week,come and hear gun shots

uncle- really?

de'- yes o.and they made away with many things,they even wounded one guy

uncle- ha

de- people say they are even stationed around that bad road to my house,thats why i think i should take a taxi

uncle- eeem ok

so they dropped me and waited for me to get a cab,my uncle paid and told me he was off to see a friend.

i got into the cab and told the cabbie to take me back to uncles hood. He happily dropped me by my car.
i had to crouch a bit for fear of my uncle seeing me and i assure you i wasnt smiling.

na wa

try this

I don't have any new year resolutions but ill certainly try to do the following this year.

1. I will eat healthier i do eat healthy but it gets crazy sometimes and i go all out for fast food.not cool!


2. I will not answer my phone whilst driving this is one bad habit i need to stop.i really should use the earphone thingy,i don't wanna die!

3. I will go for those aerobics classes I paid for i really should defeat sleep and be on time for those classes.

4. I will spend less on call credit this gets so crazy sometimes i feel I'm just throwing away money that could be put to better use.There must be a way to curb this.maybe limit myself to a certain number of cards for a certain period

5. I will be more spiritual sometimes i feel God is disappointed in me.I certainly do not worship him enough.I'm determined to change that

6. I will take up a sport i cant swim.but i can always learn.i will sign up for classes

7. I will read more novels by Nigerian Authors just read arrow of God,I'm on Things fall Apart,both by Chinua Achebe.read them when i was younger,but they make even more sense now.arrow of God is so funny.i suggest you get these two books fast!

8. I will visit Ghana nothing wrong in knowing my neighbours

9. I will identify a project and work towards achieving it I'm on it

10.I will love myself and others more there's one life to live and so little time.I must show more love to me and others

Can you think of other things we could do to make us better people?