igbo girl in calabar!

hi people,

Compliments of this beautiful season. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves thoroughly. I know i did.

I had it all mapped out since October.I was gonna spend christmas in Calabar my University town. So on friday the 21st of December at the close of work,i packed my bags and gravitated towards the airport.

Let me use this opportunity to say that i bargained for a 5.25pm arik airline flight but ended up leaving Abuja around to 10pm.They apologised though.

Metroplolitan hotel was ok.I was impressed by the improvement on the place. I remember that we used to go there for cokes and meat pies. Gist is, some firm bought into the place and the rest is history.
Im still trying to figure out why they used nylon to cover one section of their glass door at the lobby instead of replacing it.

The next night was the miss carnival queen show. Unfortunately I could not attend and that’s how my vip tickets were wasted. sob, sob.

The next day I visited the mariners resort and the museum and at night I attended the Awilo show. Olu maintain also performed. Fantastic!

I had a nice day the next day visiting old friends and generally going round Calabar.

On the 27^th the carnival took place. It could be likened to the west Indies carnivals that took place in lagos those days I was in secondary school, only bigger and better!

29^th saw me going to Tinapa. Boy was I impressed! I dare say the place is world class. Was it the studios, the shops, the hotels or the grounds? I'll leave you with pictures cos my description may not do the place justice.

I was to leave on the 30^th by 3.50pm but trust Virgin Nigeria to disappoint. I got a text message saying the flight had been delayed till 18.50 lt. That’s 10 minutes to 7pm!

However, this one disappointment turned out to be a blessing as I was able to watch the annual ekpe masquerade show.

I finally arrived lagos at to 8 in the evening.

Calabar is definitely the utmost tourist destination in Nigeria, at least for now. I highly recommend a visit to the place.

I enjoyed myself. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

awilo & his dancers.one of them is nigerian.nice

trust me ,this place looks really nice now

i think she must be a fairy!

efik regalia


edo


one of the carnival queens


tinapa


tinapa


ekpe!

Making a baby

This is funny & CLEAN.There is not one dirty word in it, but it should make you smile!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children anddecided to use a surrogate father to start theirfamily.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, Im off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...""Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." Bath tub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.""Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted !

lily

hear ye! hear ye!

lily my dog had 7 lovely puppies last week.

Virgin Nigeria and A Choir

Hey!
Im back. So sorry I could not keep my promise of a diary. It was tight considering I spent only 6 days.

I had fun though. Visited the apartheid museum, gold reef theme park, the art market in Sandton.Mandela square and oh.....those malls. I literarily did not have enough time to finish my shopping!!!!But I guess there'll always be another time.

I left South Africa on the morning of 13th of November (Tuesday) aboard a virgin Nigeria flight headed for Lagos.
Which brings me to the title of this post? Be warned that the following story is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

As I arrived R.O Thambo airport, I noticed a group of people. I recognized their language as efik, and their dressing (white garment) as that of a popular sect in Calabar. If you dont know this sect already you better ask somebody!

Like I said I only noticed them but thought no further of them as I was looking to go process my tax refund.

Now if you read my last post, you will remember I did mention it was not exactly fantastic service we got aboard virgin Nigeria, but nothing prepared me for what was to come.

About 45 minutes to landing the Oyibo purser announced that we were about to be entertained by the sensational choir of the (something of the something and something) choir. (that’s how the name goes. ask anybody in Calabar)

To my shock and dismay, they started singing "arise and shine for ................ (Their master) is here!!

Say what? I could not believe my ears. If I wanted to listen to a live choir I know where to go plus the fact that I found their wordings quite offensive.
Passengers started murmuring, and then it got louder and louder and louder still. But the choir only increased the tempo!!

After what must have been 5 minutes but seemed much more, I think the crew got the gist and made another announcement "we have now commenced our descent into Muritala Mohamed Lagos. Thank you to the sonorous voices of "you know who choir".

It was only this announcement that saved us passengers from live music we did not ask for.
I believe the action of the airline was most unethical and from the faces and comments passed by passengers and Nigerians and non Nigerians alike, most unacceptable and very unbecoming of a national carrier.

It goes without saying of course that ill be joining another airline on my next trip.

South Africa

hi guys.
Indeed i have been so busy trying to see how much work i could get in before my vacation. its been crazy but worth it.
And so it is that I am in south Africa!!!!!
I almost didn't go because of the heightened security risks (Lucky Dube's death amongst other things), but believe me I am happy to be here.
I arrived R.O Tambo airport aboard a virgin Nigeria flight (not impressive for an international flight and of course I told them so!) and my experience here has been revealing to say the least.
Did i hear you say pictures? you know this trip will not be complete without some! just bear with me till I'm able to upload.
At the airport, there were no surprises until we got to a search point were one of the security agents whispered to a friend of mine that his laptop was supposed to have been declared at customs and that since he did not, he was liable to pay a fine. But wait for this, he will let him go for a token!!!!!!!!!!!
The mora f.....ka wanted a bribe.I was so pissed! In fact i was so freaking pissed. it didn't make sense. In short e no make sense at all.
But i could not help but gloat over the fact that this happened in "the" South Africa!! Imagine that was the welcome somebody got.
PEOPLE BRIBERY OCCURS EVERYWHERE.
Nigeria is not in on it alone. But sha their airport is really nice.
Then more surprises.......
i moved to a bureau de change to change some cash and then this guy and this woman (Nigerians) start telling me how i need to go to the loo and hide my passport and cash under my dress cos there are wolves everywhere,that they are looking at me bla bla blaH!

My first instinct was to suspect the informant.So i ignored them.Suffice to say i arrived at my cousins safely,and its been fun all the way.ill try to keep a diary of sorts here.
its almost 2 am here and im online chatting with my sisters in london and lagos and my brother in abuja.
later folks.!!

Black magic woman

Being a lawyer has watered down the extrovert in me. Dont ask me why!
Friday night i was off to a live band spot with a colleague and his friend. Dude do i love music!

Anyway,at this joint you can request a song and the band will play it for you for a token.So i asked for black magic woman by Carlos Santana ( i bet most of ya'll dont know this song,its quite old,but if you love music like i do then you should love old music) and that band played it so well.

I saw me on the stage dancing from the depth of my soul,moving to the rhythm of the guitar strings......ah, sweet release!!!
The crowd looking at me ,wishing they were me.i loosen my hair knot and swing my braids and my hips from side to side. Shakira, step aside!!

Oh God, i'm having so much fun,i am the soul of this joint right now......so i yank the mic from the lead singer and finish off the song so nicely i get a standing ovation.
Everyone is shouting my name, de'tente! de'tente!!

Someone's tapping my shoulder.............
Oh men, its my colleague asking if i want another drink, i've been dreaming.i never left my seat!!!

the female brain

Was going through my box the other day and i came across this drawing sent to me by an unrepentant male chauvinist friend of mine. On the one hand, i found it hilarious!!!(really lol now), but on a more serious note..........GUYS, WE DO NOT THINK LIKE THIS!!!!

Budo (Mr Phonetics)

people!!!!!!!!!

i just started french classes and its totally cool not forgetting incredibly sexy!!
'He' speaks French so guess where ill be getting the most practice?(lol)
Anyway's just thought to tell you im fine, really.
My 3 little cousins have come to spend their holidays with me and its been interesting to say the least.
The oldest,oge,is 9 and she's gonna be a beauty queen someday cos she's so beautiful.
Then you have chisom.She's 7 and is my madam cos she drags everthing with me.She wants my bed,my make up,and my hair....(yes.my hair.she insist on trying to weave it at every opportunity!)
BUDO? Well he's 6 and is the main subject of this post.
He came all the way from Lagos to correct my English.
Budo is an old man at heart and he is convinced i have a speech defect when it comes to pronunciation. He believes my oyibo is bad...........very bad.

aunt de'tente, its plismen not policeman'
'its baskit not basket"
So im always like thanks Budo.
I had a good laugh when i asked him to read me a passage from his texbook.Hear him:

Des is an ooorange
This is an orange

Des is a red cep
This is a red cap

Des is a bleck cet
This is a black cat

Des is a smell beg
This is a small bag

Im having tummy trouble from laughing........so i tell him to read it again!!!!!

A letter to 'I'.

I met him 4 years ago, in my neighbourhood. We were both members of the British council library as it turned out.
We became friends, good neighbours till i moved to another city and we kind of lost touch.
3 years later, unplanned, by sheer providence, we became neighbours again, in another neighbourhood, and as though predestined, we became colleagues in business.
Friends, the past few days have just drifted past with no substance for me. I cannot think, nor sleep well. I am numb with pain.
Just 3 weeks ago, he called me up, "de-tente", im hungry,lets go grab something to eat". I told him that was one more reason to bring his family over! Anyways i invited him over and we had lunch.
2 weeks ago, we talked extensively about a scholarship i was interested in,relationships,business and even death......
This is to you 'I',
I still cannot believe you are gone
My eyes water as i write this, yet i cannot cry
You were my friend more than ever in recent times
But you never said goodbye
What can take this pain away?
'I' I needed to do this
This has brought forth the tears
They say its good to cry........
Rest in peace dear 'I'

CHINENYE OCHUBA

hi people. you must forgive me for being so NOT here for a while. i assure you it will not happen again.

So whats up with everyone.i hope you all have something good to show for the 7 months(already gone) of this year. Just be thankful regardless ok?!!

I came across my all time favourite most beautiful girl in Nigeria (mbgn)last friday. i thought she had disappeared into oblivion like some other beauty queens but boy, was i so wrong.

I had often wondered where she is , what she's up to and you know generally 'what became of her'.

Well i saw her at the cinema on friday in the company of a friend, and by God, thats one beauty queen that's still a beauty.

I learnt that she resides in london but is currently in naija and works temporarily with an audit firm in lagos.(she's an accountant)
For those of you who dont remember her, she's the teenage beauty that took over from agbani(she was crowned by ann suinner though) in 2002.
She made top ten at the miss world contest and was voted African queen of beauty at miss universe.

Breasts.....Beautiful.

I grew breasts late and then overtook everyone. Now I am a comfortable 34F.
I remember with nostalgia those days in like SS1.My mother would buy me and my sisters bras. But mine were different, not as fanciful as the others. "Alakpanla’s," (large straps) to be precise. You see, in her wisdom, she knew for me, support was trite.

Story’s different now though. I can get me bras that combine support with fancy.
My breasts, aside from my wit and humor are part of my assets.
My beautiful, firm, breasts!!!

So you can imagine my shock when Americana called to tell me I would have to refund his money for the bras he bought me.
You see, I met this guy about three months ago. His brother my friend introduced us because he felt we would end up two peas in a pod and that it would be a match made in heaven.
Americana and I have been talking, exchanging mails, photos, texts etc but we have not actually seen each other. Call it blind dating.

Honestly it was not deliberate but the pictures I sent him are only of my face.
Actually, em, that’s not entirely true. The reason they are only of my face is I only sent him pictures I downloaded from my phone.
So Americana and I have regular chat sessions. We talk about everything from politics to academics to business to fashion, and then we talk some more. We have even described how we look to each other. My own version of me is that I am slim and tall…….we never got to talk about my jugs.

So Americana is visiting me. We’ll be meeting for the first time.
He’s been shopping for me. Bags, footwear, wrist watches, infact, its like Americana is generous.
And then……he decides to get intimate, so he asks my bra size and I reply with glee (I am an incurably optimistic bra collector) ‘34 F’.
Some guys are not exactly conversant with sizes. So he thought nothing of it. I am quick to add that I love Victoria secret, bravissimo and Rigby & Peller, you know, to mention a few.

So as I said earlier I was shocked when he calls to say I must refund his money.
Our conversation was something like this

A - You lied
Me- Me lie? About what?
A-You must refund my money. That was a silly joke. I know you were just having fun.
Me – (getting Impatient) cut to the chase! I don’t understand
A-you lied about your bra size. You are slim and tall. That can’t be your bra size!

It took me all of 10 seconds to digest this, recover and then it snowballed into humor! I laughed so hard I cried.
Americana can’t believe his luck. Guys come on! Your very own Tyra Banks!!!!
Americana actually consulted his cousin who assured him he probably didn’t “hear” the right size.

So I try to explain to explain to him. You see I am top heavy, but I am slim and tall too (my waist is 26 and my hips 40).

This brings me to what i have been trying to say. I love my body. As a teenager, in my ignorance I did so much to stop my breasts growing (You won’t believe the things I did). With time I grew into my own. I grew to accept my body. I honestly could not wish for a better body. I accept it, I am proud of it and I know this is how God wants me to be.
I love that people stare. I love that my friends want to know what I do to maintain a trim waist.
This is how I love to be.
Americana arrives in a few days. If you are nice, I’ll keep you posted!!